6 Tips for Getting Started with BDSM

When you're full of turkey, you're probably thinking no sex is possible right now. No, no. This is the perfect time for a little kink. Your stomach is full, you're just about to fall asleep. And then crack. Their hand hits your rear end and you perk up quicker than a V8 engine. Just because 50 Shades of Grey September came to a close doesn't mean you haven't stopped thinking about BDSM. Haven't experimented yet? The well acclaimed submissive & BDSM sex nerd Lilly Rose is here to talk about getting started with BDSM. Make sure to read the sexual negotiation article, as well as the dominant and submissive traits articles, too!

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Without ado, Lilly Rose delves into getting started with BDSM for newbies. Not sure how to start off? Try these things first!

#1 Be honest

Know what you want and know what your play partner's beliefs are. Have honest and open discussions. In BDSM it is absolutely necessary, for safety reasons, to be upfront about everything.

#2 Embrace your fetishes

Do you like to be teased with a feather? Do you like the idea of being tied up? Do you like the thought of being punished with a spanking? Those are your fetishes, now embrace them! Now for you doms out there: if you like doing the spanking and teasing, then get yourself a sub and go to town!

#3 Negotiate 

Negotiation is crucial to having some safe BDSM playtime. Sit down with your dom or sub and discuss your limits, your safe word, safe action and aftercare. Make a list and if needed, negotiate changes later. Remember, be honest and open about everything.

#4 Know your limits and create a safe word

Hard limits - Things that must not be done. If a dom tries to push you into something you are not comfortable with, set him straight or move on.

Soft limits - Things you are not quite sure about doing in that moment but could agree to later.

Safe word - The word you utter when you absolutely want the play to end. “No” doesn’t cut it. So another word is absolutely necessary to let your dom know when to stop.

Safe action - The action used when your safe word is unavailable and want to stop play. You need a safe action for times you can't use your safe word, i.e. gagging.

#5 Aftercare 

Let’s talk about aftercare. Aftercare is crucial! Aftercare is your dom or play partner checking in on you and making sure you are alright after a scene. This may range from putting ointment on your butt after a paddling to cuddling. It is really important that he or she asks if anything upset you, especially if something made you feel unexpectedly uncomfortable during a scene. This may happen with even the best planning and the best dom. That is why aftercare must always be done!

Feeling good is the ultimate goal of any kind of BDSM play! But as in all sub/dom relationships, trust has to be built up before any kind of intense play. This takes time. You are not going to be jumping into that dungeon right away and being beaten with a belt. That would be foolish for a beginner. Never rush into a relationship with a dom in the BDSM world.

#6 Be safe

Most of all, and I can’t stress this enough, if you want to try BDSM you have to be safe. You should always use a condom and do your research beforehand. BDSM is about testing your limits and going beyond the edge. The more you know about your fetish, the safer you will be going into actualizing it.

Lilly Rose was a kink blogger, geeky Ivy League graduate activist and lover of great doms. Lilly recently completed @letitlingeron and just recently ended her blog into the journey of the world of kink. Lily also writes for Mindchaotica and Evolvedworld, and her Erotica (fiction and non-fiction) can be found at Literotica.

5 Men’s Sex Mistakes & Remedies

This is another guest post by our UK-based Sara Albaladejo. She's passionate about sex and relationships, and has seen many of these mistakes by men recently. We've definitely seen these happen to good men. Don't be a victim to these mistakes. Read on!

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We love our men. We love them on top, under or behind. We love the way they make us feel sexy, their compliments and the nose/forehead kiss. They try hard to please us, and more than often they hit all the right spots. Unfortunately, sometimes they don’t. Those who care end up feeling discouraged and defeated and those who don’t leave a woman unsatisfied.

For both our male readers and for the women willing to point the right way to their lovers, we have brought five mistakes men should avoid doing.

Before sex

Problem #1: Way too much hair

We like it trimmed as much as you do. Again, this is a matter of health and hygiene, but also of making things easier. The more skin you leave for her to explore, the more pleasure she can give you. She won’t be worried about suffocating and you will feel her touch all over.

Keeping up with your facial grooming, too. If your beard is the perfect impression of Tom Hanks in Cast Away, you may want to think about it twice. However, you can take advantage of your facial hair by rubbing it gently against her skin and create a pleasant new sensation. Watch out though, you don't want to sand down her nipples, and for some us with sensitive skin, it can cause annoying rashes.

Remedy: Trim

Keep your shaver handy and don't be afraid of using it down there, you will be surprised of the difference it makes! Keeping your dick area trimmed and tidy is good for several reasons. First, you'll feel more sensations. Second, your lovely cock will look even bigger and harder for your significant other.

Problem #2: Falling back on promises

You want her melting like a chocolate bar in the middle of the Sahara. The best thing to do to get her in the mood through the whole day: send her naughty texts or emails, allowing her imagination to go wild. If you can do this, you will be a really lucky man by the time she gets home. As long as you remember what you started at 10 am. You don't remember saying you want to make sweet, sweet love to me this evening? :(

Remedy: Put out the fire you start

Make sure that your day isn’t going to be the busiest and that you will get home rested enough to enjoy a good riding with your lady. If you are of the kind that always forgets stick a post-it or set an alarm, it will remind you of the good things waiting for you!

During sex

Problem #3: Dry humping

We like the teasing of the rubbing with clothes on, the delay before the skin-to-skin contact. To start the build-up of her orgasm it can be a great idea to touch her with her panties still on. However, jerking them around and giving your girl a wedgie isn’t pleasure, it hurts. Dry humping has its place, however, we recommend taking close off gently and lovingly for a better sexual experience. You know, because it works better that way.

Remedy: Undress lovingly

What I love? When my partner and I work together to undress each other. Either slowly or quickly, it's all about the intention. If you care about the experience, make sure you're thinking about yourself first. Do I feel great right now? Am I uncomfortable? Then, make your lover feel loved. Kiss them, caress them and note how gorgeous she is.

Problem #4: Taking over

Men, have you ever felt that the responsibility of a good shag depends entirely on you? Women who enjoy their sexuality and having sex will want to be part of it as well. However, not all of us are confident enough to show our desire without your help, encourage your lover to explore your body and become more adventurous. Taking control is lovely, but sometimes can you give us a little?

Remedy: Lose control

Let yourself enjoy giving up the lead for a while, let us play. The only bad that could come of it is that she might have free reign of what you do. Does that make you afraid to loose control? It definitely makes sense, but don't let that get in the way of expanding your sexual horizons and having better sex!

After sex

Problem #5: Saying yes when you mean no

Saying that women don't like sex as much as men isn't always true. Sometimes men aren't in the mood, too. Desire doesn't depend on your gender, I have seen totally able males rejecting sex without winking and women who aren’t satisfied with just having sex three times a week. It is something that shifts upon the person and their circumstances and has to be handled as such.

Remedy: Give yourself a break

Sometimes a man doesn't want to have sex. Since it takes two to tango, men should tell their significant others what they're feeling. Don't be ashamed if you aren't in the mood for sex. Tell us women why you're not interested in having sex. Give yourselves a break. Maybe you should kick your kids out for a weekend and enjoy some uninterrupted intimacy. We women also need to give men a break if they aren't in the mood. How about masturbating instead? He can watch, too!

Thanks to Woman Around Town for pic #1. Thanks to oplife for pic #2. Thanks Huffington Post for pic #2.

Sara is our resident, sexy British-Spanish writer. After finishing high school she followed the family tradition of becoming a teacher, and graduated as a Foreign Language Primary Teacher in 2011. Since then she has been living in the UK, where she copes with the British weather reading erotic stories with her loving boyfriend. She is passionate about writing and was awarded various contests in Spain (where she was born) and has also been recognized one of the best writers of her age in her region in 2010. She loves taking her camera out whenever she can, as photography is another of her hobbies.